How To Have Greater Social Skills

How To Have Greater Social Skills

By NImar Nasir

    Adopting better social skills is an important component of every man’s journey for self improvement. Learning and applying social skills begins with improving your personality. Remember it isn’t about changing it, but more so about enhancing and improving it. In order to hardwire your personality to be ready for any social situation you must focus on the three main C’s of personality.

  1. Confidence

  2. Charisma

  3. Calmness

  These three areas of your personality, with improvement will make you the greatest man in the room.  

Confidence

  Let’s begin with confidence. How do you improve this aspect of your personality? Well for starters you must adopt a self love mindset. Be okay with who you are, be comfortable in the body that you have. Love yourself, respect yourself, and most importantly hold yourself to the highest standard you can possibly fucking hold. You live ONE life here on planet Earth so why waste time hating the person you are or comparing yourself to others.  

      With the aforementioned in mind let’s talk about the physical aspects of confidence. It is easy to tell who is confident vs. who is not by looking out for one thing. ANd that thing men is your Body Language. Women pick up and are attracted to masculine, confident, body language easily as well (wink, wink). Body language will make you more social and open you up to meeting new people. There are many ways to get better body language which are discussed in over thousands of articles and videos online, however I will be discussing the fundamentals.

  1. Stand upright, shoulders back, chest slightly popped outwards.

  IMagine someone pulling you up with a string, that is how you should hold your upper body. Don’t force yourself too much, forced body language hints to weak confidence, similar to over compensating. You want to naturally stand this way so practice proper posture whenever you are standing or sitting, and perhaps hit the gym to build your chest muscles, so they seem to naturally pop out. Standing like this will make you appear more powerful, more strong. People would assume you are naturally a very confident person.

2. Hold your head high with your chin slightly raised

  Confident men do not walk with their heads to the ground. They walk with their heads high, ready to lead, ready for any challenge, and ready to come into contact with that hot chick thats been eyeing you all night (;. With your head to the ground you seem weak, timid and scared. Walking into your bosses office with your head to the ground makes you seem weak and scared and your boss will subconsciously pick up on this and use your weakness to your advantage. However coming in with your chest high, and applying the first tip of standing upright will make you seem much more confident, and your boss will respect you because of your strength.

3. Keep a wide stance and take up as much horizontal stance as you can without looking like an idiot.

Keep your legs shoulder width apart, and perhaps when sitting prop your arms out and maybe rest them on something to take up that horizontal space. Once again, do not force this, flow naturally into it, when you try too hard, once again you will look weak. It’s also important to mention that keeping yourself open and not closed off will make you seem like a more open person. When sitting, for example try not to cross your arms together but try and spread your arms out, or hold both arms behind your head with your head propped against your hands.

  1. Eye contact.

Eye Contact is one of the biggest factors when it comes to confident body language.. When your boss looks you in the eye are you going to look away and look down? When that cute girl at the party makes eye contact with you, are you going to quickly look in the other direction? NO. Eye contact is very intimate and a confident man will hold his gaze for longer than comfortable to display that he’s okay with looking you in the eyes. Hold your eye contact when talking and especially when listening to someone. When walking down the street and your gaze meets someones, hold it for a few seconds, nod and say hello. However, do not be demeaning with your eye contact, too much makes you seem creepy so remember to look away, but when looking away look a little above the person rather than below. Looking down will hint to the other person that you are being insecure.

   Good eye contact helps in a number of Social situations, it shows that you are confident, it shows that you are actively listening when engaging with another, and it makes you seem more social and inviting.

Apply these body language tips to your Social life and you will reap the benefits of how Confident it will naturally make you. However, do not try too hard, and take this advice with a grain of salt. Trying too hard makes you look even weaker than weaker body language would.  

Charisma

 Charisma could also be defined on how attractive you are as a person. In order to be charismatic you must focus on how well you attract others. It is the presence you have when you walk into a room and it’s all eyes on you. You can improve charisma by improving your confidence, because better body language gives you more of a presence in a social situation.

  There are three ways you can improve charisma and that is by being better at meeting people, becoming a better storyteller and by becoming a better listener.

  1. Meeting people

   The most effective way of instantly becoming charismatic is by greeting someone. Whether it is a simple hello in the street to introducing yourself to a new mutual friend you must become a master at greeting others. If your eye catches a strangers, simply nod , smile and say hello. When meeting a new and potential friend, offer a handshake, introduce yourself and ask for the other person’s name.

    First impressions are important because an individual will judge you essentially on the first time they met you. In a social situation where you aren’t afraid to open yourself and introduce who you are to another person in a confident manner, then you will instantly become more sociable.

 A tip worth mentioning is to remember people’s names. It is far more intimate when you call someone by his or her name. This will stand out when you’re simply just out with a group of people, or when you are possibly applying for a job. In order to remember names, you can write them down, or during a conversation refer to the other person by their name. Dale Carnegie author of the best selling book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” states that “A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”  So to improve your charisma start by openly engaging in meeting others, say hello to individuals you may come into contact to on a day to day basis, confidently introduce yourself, and upon meeting people, make it a priority to remember and address them by their name.

2.  Become a better storyteller

When in front of a group of people, perhaps at a party or gathering, the greatest way to come off as charismatic is to tell stories, and be good at it. Perhaps tell them of a tale of something funny and ironic that happened to you. When telling the story, keep in mind how quickly you are talking. Try not to rush it, speak slowly and let whatever you are saying soak in the listener’s minds. Add humor, perhaps do a funny voice here and there. Introduce a problem during your story and show how it was solved. The key here is to keep people entertained, do not simply just talk for the sake of talking. When you have something to say, say it and make it engaging. This will make others want to listen because they assume whatever you might have to say is of the utmost importance.   

3. Become a better listener

Keeping in mind the last tip about becoming a better storyteller, you shouldn’t be the one doing all the talking. Add to the conversation very rarely, and instead try and use most of the time to listen to other people and get them to talk about things they enjoy. Use active listening when others talk. Look them in the eye, and nod your head or say okay when they are talking to show the other person you are engaged and care about what they say. There is no way to fool others, you will need to authentically enjoy the other person’s conversation in order to listen better. So try to not become easily distracted and tune in to what the other person is saying. More often that not, when someone repeats the same topic over and over, there is a good chance that this is what the individual is interested in. So ask engaging questions about what that topic may be. Be genuinely interested, you never know, you might learn a thing or two as well.

  People love talking about themselves and their lives, so make it a goal when in conversations with others, try to get them to talk about whatever they like.

  Charisma is an important aspect to mastering social situations. So keep in mind these tips. Greet people, greet them warmly and remember their name. Talk rarely and listen more to the other person, ask engaging questions. When you do add to the conversation, make whatever you are saying into an engaging story. Everyone has a story so share yours, and make it entertaining and I promise you will be the most charismatic person in the room.  

Calmness

    In social situations, everyone remembers to be confident and charismatic, these two are the easiest to apply. However what will make you stand out is your ability to be cool, calm and collected. One can be confident and charismatic when Shit goes down and then BOOM they freak out. The girl they wanted to talk to ended up ignoring him, the interviewer is asking difficult questions,  or maybe you are about to make a public statement, whatever it may be you can be confident and charismatic but you cannot consistently be if you aren’t calm under social pressure. Let’s say you are on a business meeting and the server gave you mashed potatoes instead of french fries. Instead of blowing up on the server and becoming demeaning, politely call him or her over and tell them that unfortunately this wasn’t what you ordered and in a polite manner ask if they can change it for your french fries instead. You instantly appear more warm and likeable compared to if you rudely went “THIS ISN’T WHAT I GOT”.

   Tips to becoming more calm under social pressure is to start meditating, meditating will teach you how to clear your mind when its under attack by different thoughts. It will hardwire you to maintain a calm composure and let the negative thoughts fly by you when you feel the anger and frustration of day to day life permeate your thoughts.

Putting it Altogether

      Next time you find yourself in a social situation, remain confident, practice good body language and strong eye contact. Use this confidence to develop better charisma when you meet others .Greet others, listen to them, ask questions. Talk rarely, with a sense of purpose and with a story to tell. Remember to keep your calm no matter how frustrated you get. You seem neither charismatic nor confident when you break down under pressure. Keep the 3 C’s in mind and you will soon become a master when dealing with social situations. Good luck (:

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